Whole

i miss you
like i would miss my soul
everything's aimless and strange without you
together we're whole
together we grow

everything else disapears
leaving only pure joy
breath deep when we kiss
creating the greatest of highs

if we dare

ooh we came so close.
didn't we.
didn't we.

tangled in the sheets,
in the torment of our heat.

we came so close to finding us.
we came so close to binding us.

but i was scared that if you were mine,
i wouldn't be able
to let you go this time.

knowing you'd be gone to soon,
saying "we shouldn't"
was all i could do.

to armor my heart just in case
you couldn't come back,
to where your heart was safe.

our dreams so close
to our clutch.

our passion reborn
to remind us,

we are alive
and our love should be,

if we only dare
to set ourselves free...

free

tender words, paradise promises
this is what you seemed about
powerful dreams in the clutch of your hand
on top of the world with it all figured out

what happened to your grace
what happened to your soul
what happened that made you
give up and let go

you were all set with a picture perfect plan
you were the ideal bold yet gentle man

well, i loved you for what you portrayed to be
and i wanted to know more of how to be free
free verse, free dream, free spirit, free hand
and for you to teach me
to hear you tell me i can

to go where i want
and take what i dare
but be true like you wanted
honest and fair

my addiction

you are the drug i can't resist
you come in and i can't let go
but the lies,the tears,
the choke of the pain
my body doesn't want to let you out again
you should have never been here
i should have never given in
now i rock in my hollowness
as the withdrawal sets in
cradle my head, sweat and pace
wishing to end it and prolong it the same
how could you do this to the one you named
its not your fault, i know i was weak
i begged for it and now i can't sleep
my heart burns, my veins throb,
i can't sit still
my thoughts race and my body aches
and still has the chills
i'm addicted, a mess, a user in all
i never imagined love could be this down fall
if only it were over, yet i ask for more
am i crazy, how do you have this much power
killing me, torture, when will i let go
afraid of myself because i'll never say no
you haunt me, you linger,
then finally fade
yet next time i see you
can i turn you away

burns

your body over me
like a warm blanket
my eyes are calling you
go on and take it
your hands all over me
wrap me around you
kisses of passion
you know what I wanna do
don't stop there
ask me almost
whisper my name
I'm getting close

Are You Still There

are you still out there
looking for me
I found you once
and set you free

my heart was embraced
my soul adored
through big moon nights
and winter storms

from my dreams I can feel yours
starlit passion brought us too close

you were here for a monment
you were here for a moment

the wind still blows your name
puts your whispers in my ear

I found you once
are you still there

March 1998

i saw you tonight
my heart stopped every time
i'd catch you across the room
full of laughs,
things to say,
and people to greet

joy fills my soul
to see you smile
as selfish as it will come across
i admit
seeing you glow isn't enough
to make me satisfied

all this time has passed
i still fight being by your side
i should have long since given up these desires

every time we embrace
eyes or arms
my heart is at ease
and full of distant security
often times between our greetings
i still long for your enrapture
you've always known how to handle me

others say to "move on", "be done" or "forget"
that i can't

the constant thought of you being happy
should be enough for me to let go
greedy as it may be, it hasn't been enough reason

this is all so self-centered
so often i wish to tell you my true feelings
it's no longer my place
she makes you smile beautifully
as do his grin and marelous green eyes
quite amuse me

so some how i hide the glow of this raging flame
that still burns for you
it's still consuming me slowly

the music was playing
you look so tenderly in my eyes
with blue wonder
i want so much to be safe
and your eyes still give me that
by seeing the truth in my soul
i stare still to you
from across the room and from across time

where home is

you say you wanna come home
i was waiting for you at the door
but you dont know where home is anymore

through the storms and the silence
evey day my tears hit the floor
you hardly ever noticed

you say you miss the laughter
i didnt know you ever heard it
behind your closed doors

our dreams were always a dollor sign away to you
but those dreams never even mattered
my hopes of companionship are shattered

id walk the streets all alone
my temper raging
you never tried to find me

i was always there for you
waiting at the door
you dont know where home is anymore

tossable

sooner or later it was all bound to come out
i almost had myself convinced that it really could be ok
just keep moving and the hurt wont catch up
instead it grew and grew as it rolled up behind me
and just when i was too tired to keep running
it all came down over me
i didnt think id feel this worthless.. this not worth IT
that i would be not enough to make it worth working at
and to have to question if its because i am simply not what he wants
or not wantable
really i should feel blessed
its taken this many years to run into being pushed aside
but it doesnt come across that hopefull
when being alone is all thats around
its too hard to stay like this, not me like this
but i cant remember her
and if i could
would i still be tossable