a letter awaiting you
I don't think I could be a bigger fool, to have you think I'd give up on you. You've been in my heart from the second our eyes met, parting from you has only ever brought tourment.
I wonder if it's possible to mess up destiny or be mindless enough that it gets taken away.
So, I'm going to try to explain myself here, in chance that you'll still come to see my heart fumbled into words.
I never want to loose you. I've dreaded it from the moment we met.
I've felt this rush to live fair and true. Maybe that's part of why I hurried to say those things to you.
More truth be told- at night, before I drift off to places I might find you, I try to remember considering "what if I was her?" And how my heart would ache to glance at any of this.
Rather the "I love you"s that have been put down between us reffer to today or a day ten years past, the fact we still put them out would be devastating to me, if I was her.
And if for a second, she is anything like me (which maybe entirely unfair to assume) it would permanetly scar to think you are letting another that close to your heart.
Having been the wife, who caught that kind of glance, how could I let myself have any thing to do with that kind of injustice, to her and the way it would ultimately affect you.
Please don't think I would ever pretend your words said you'd rather be with me, the reason for this is no assumption like that. The ugly truth is, I've let myself be some thing I hate by merely longing for this much closeness with some one who promised to belong some where else.
Another woman's husband.
And when you even whispered "divorce" my heart throbbed with memories. Not that your predicament is reltive to me or mine, but some selfish part of me tried to squeeze myself into your life at that moment. It truly disgusts me that, even if only for a heartbeat, I could be that self-centered and unconcerned.
I've craved being wanted, the way you once did me, for so long, I actually pictured taking that away from some one else, and I wonder what I've become.
Here we are. I've put the same words out there to you, that once wrecked me to know my husband accepted from some one else. Thinking it's okay to do because it's the naked truth, with out regard for how it could potentially taint the heart of the one who is home for your eyes.
So, do I want to "let you go"? Hell no! Do I even really believe I'd be capable?- Impossible. But would I try to distance myself from the chance to do it again and again for the sake of your family's peace and happiness....
I wonder if it's possible to mess up destiny or be mindless enough that it gets taken away.
So, I'm going to try to explain myself here, in chance that you'll still come to see my heart fumbled into words.
I never want to loose you. I've dreaded it from the moment we met.
I've felt this rush to live fair and true. Maybe that's part of why I hurried to say those things to you.
More truth be told- at night, before I drift off to places I might find you, I try to remember considering "what if I was her?" And how my heart would ache to glance at any of this.
Rather the "I love you"s that have been put down between us reffer to today or a day ten years past, the fact we still put them out would be devastating to me, if I was her.
And if for a second, she is anything like me (which maybe entirely unfair to assume) it would permanetly scar to think you are letting another that close to your heart.
Having been the wife, who caught that kind of glance, how could I let myself have any thing to do with that kind of injustice, to her and the way it would ultimately affect you.
Please don't think I would ever pretend your words said you'd rather be with me, the reason for this is no assumption like that. The ugly truth is, I've let myself be some thing I hate by merely longing for this much closeness with some one who promised to belong some where else.
Another woman's husband.
And when you even whispered "divorce" my heart throbbed with memories. Not that your predicament is reltive to me or mine, but some selfish part of me tried to squeeze myself into your life at that moment. It truly disgusts me that, even if only for a heartbeat, I could be that self-centered and unconcerned.
I've craved being wanted, the way you once did me, for so long, I actually pictured taking that away from some one else, and I wonder what I've become.
Here we are. I've put the same words out there to you, that once wrecked me to know my husband accepted from some one else. Thinking it's okay to do because it's the naked truth, with out regard for how it could potentially taint the heart of the one who is home for your eyes.
So, do I want to "let you go"? Hell no! Do I even really believe I'd be capable?- Impossible. But would I try to distance myself from the chance to do it again and again for the sake of your family's peace and happiness....
posted by lulugrace at
4:43 PM
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